What We Had

What We Had

<sub>I think it was the lack of connection.
The lack of... touch?
I didn't mean for it to happen.

My desire for love was too much.
He was right there,
In my peripheral vision.
The party was intense.
Nothing but flashing white lights
Filling the room.
He walked up to me,
Wanting to dance and I said

Yes.
I was with someone.
It's not like it was a
Relationship.
We only ever kissed and said
Sweet things.
A whole year of just
Kissing.

And
Talking.
Maybe he didn't love me
Like I loved him.
Maybe he was straight.
Maybe he didn't think of men
Like that
Anymore.
I still loved him.
I didn't want to let him go.
But I desired something.
I desired something more than
Love.
I wanted to touch.
Wanted to be touched.
I wanted to feel another's skin on mine.

I was feeling too much desire to care
Who
Touched
Me.
I woke up that morning next to a
Stranger.
I never knew his name.
I never asked for it.

Because I didn't
Care.
I just got up and
Left.
Days after that night,
I saw
Him.
I wanted to say hi.
I wanted to…
Hug him.
I wanted to apologize
For sleeping with him.

Because I didn't love that man.

I didn't know him.
I loved who I was with.
Did I feel it?
Regret?
Pity?

For myself?
No.
Some called me
Heartless.
Some called me
Sick.
But,

I couldn't
Help it.
I loved the man I
Was with.
But
I didn't.
I felt
Alone.
I felt like
He
Didn't
Love
Me.
That's what I told him when
He heard about my
Disloyalty.
He did something I never would have
Thought.
He
Cried.
His hands covered his tear-stained
Face
And
He
Cried.
I asked him why he was
Crying.
He responded by saying he
Loved
Me.
I got
Angry.
I turned my back on
Him.
He never loved
Me.
I asked him why we never
Made
Love.
He said
"Because I wanted it
To be
Perfect.
Because I didn't
Want to ruin
What we
Had."

What
We
Had.</sub>